You pluck, you trim, you wax
You change your natural state
You shave, you cleanse, you tweeze
Before you copulate

Lie back for your vajacial
To the beautician it’s just a chore
But you hope your vagina’s prettier
Than the one she saw before

And as for remodelling
This is apparently what goes
Symmetry and neatness
A vagina like a rose

We can now steam our vaginas
For inner harmony
Who knew boiling a kettle
Would set our fannies free

There is a costly serum
To tighten up your fairy
But you’d need to take a mortgage out
To firm up your inner Mary

Our ladybits aren’t pretty
But looks aren’t everything
A vajazzle here, a piercing there
Why cover them with bling

Your peepee, snatch, or coochie coo
Your flower, nink or muff
Whatever name you give her
Your vagina’s had enough

By Jo Ardus